Monday, 20 April 2009

HOW TO: make a shredded t-shirt!


- A t-shirt, one belonging to your your dad/brother/boyfriend works best so it doesn't matter if you mess it up, because it's not yours. (I used the latter.) Make sure it's knitted, not woven though, but this isn't really important because most t-shirts are knitted.

- A stitch unpick/drawing pin (My stitch unpick broke, I had to improvise.)

- Lots and lots and lots of time.

- Fully functioning hands.

- A LOT of patience.

Once you've collected the above, you can start!

1.) Firstly, cut the hem off of your t-shirt, all the way around. This means that you can get at the individual threads.

2.) Next, stretch the rough edge so it becomes easier for you to see individual threads.

(ignore my scabby hands)

3.) Using the stitch unpick, pick out the first horizontal thread closest to the undone edge, to the width which you want your shred to be, and be careful not to snap it (although it doesn't really matter whether you do or not, you can just try again)

4) Repeat this all the way along, although after somewhere in the region of 10-20 threads, you should just be able to work them out with your fingers. It doesn't matter if you snap the odd thread or make the occasional hole, if anything it makes it look better.

5) Ten years and ten swollen fingers later, your finished product should look something like this:

..but probably better

Saturday, 11 April 2009

farewell my black balloon

I make a lot of lists, but much of the time they sort of form in my head but are never really finished, or when I write them down or try and make any sort of sense of them they fall to pieces. This happens more than I'd like to admit. My favourite kinds of lists are lists which go "item: reason". What I mean is, what's on the list, what position it is on the list (this matters, no matter how much you're told that it doesn't) and WHY it's on the list. "Why" is so much more interesting than anything else in a list. You can say what you like, and invite people to form their own opinions on it but I like opinions that are articulated and written down so I have a chance to argue with them.

At the moment, there are two lists being formed: one is Best lyrics that I have recently heard, and the second is Things to do when you're dead dead dead poor. I think the second list won't make it any further than here because all the things I can think of are completely shit, or quite obvious. Or not actually that cheap, which is okay but when I come to writing the "why" part of the list the whole thing collapses. So no list of things to do when you've got little or no money.

The best lyrics list will probably never be fully formed because I'm not very good at being utilitarian. So here are two songs you will definitely have heard and one song you might have done that have underrated lyrics in them:

1) Kings of Leon - Use Somebody: "Someone like you with all you know and how you speak." I am, in general, cynical and short of attention span, so I'm not too big on love songs, particularly over-played love songs. Curse Radio 1. This is essentially an over-played love song, but it's such a simple and honest lyric that every time I hear it, particularly in the moaning, melancholic tone of the song, I like it a little bit more. Just think about it for yourself. Is there any compliment greater than someone admitting that their ideal person is just like you? And what is a love song if not a giant compliment?

2) Catch 22 - Keasbey Nights: "When they come for me I'll be sitting at my desk with a gun in my hand wearing a bullet proof vest singing my my my how the time does fly when you know you're gonna die by the end of the night." This is cheating a bit because this is more about delivery and rhythm than actual lyrical content. It just sounds perfect - if you've never heard the song (and maybe if you hate ska music you'll never want to) just say it out loud to yourself. Bloody brilliant rhythm and rhyme. I'm trying really hard not to get my English lit A level out right now but it's difficult. Just accept that the timing in this is PERFECT.

3) M.I.A - Paper Planes: "All I wanna do is (bang bang bang bang) and (ker-ching) and take your money." No, no, I know these are pretty standard shitty rap lyrics but let me explain the genuis of this. It's clever because it's sarcastic and a bit silly and makes some people go "THIS IS SO VIOLENT, TURN IT OFF" and other people go "Did she basically just sample "Shake ya rump?"" And I think that's pretty clever. Also I could never hear that song too many times.

Also, I'm sorry about the lag in posts but right now A levels have basically taken over our lives, give us a few months.